Like a clone from a single root system.
– from the heat, humidity, and need for something different, your family decides to moved elsewhere. What, with your father changing jobs, and all. It’s simply time to relocate. So that’s what you have to do.
After the boxed are packed, after the memories are tucked in, another childhood home is vacated. Your relatives will probably miss you. Do you think they might move closer to where you’ll be? At this point, nothing is certain. All you’re hoping for is a brighter horizon and a better tomorrow.
“It’s known as ‘Generica’”, your father breaks the silence of many hours with this fabricated trivia. Hundreds of miles of sage and flatland. A dull caramel glaze. Occasionally you see a deer, or smashed varmint on the road, now that you’ve cleared the hectic aura of the city. Soon enough you see the Aspen trees that everyone told you about. As the highway lanes become less traveled, you reach some mountainous patches. Is that snow? Yup.
You sit back and stare at your smudged reflection within the vehicle’s side window. It’s time to close your eyes. Time to daydream and wonder.
Thoughts whip around you, laying out blurred photos of faceless fantasies across your mind’s drafting table. They spread like softened margarine across warm toast. Won’t it be nice? You think of the perfect life. Finally meeting some loyal friends, getting closer with your family, sharing your thoughts, holding hands, and maybe finding someone to love you (yeah, right!)
The air is much bitter, there. When you write me, I can sense the shiver in your fingers. That bone-biting chill that makes you appreciate where you were living. Yet, anxiety, excitement, and the newness of it, keeps your spirits high. You’re shy, remember? You’ll get a friend, though… soon enough. You sit outside the motel you’re all temporarily staying at. The other kids seem to like it here. But, like you always said to me: small town people have small town cliques and completely different ways living..
You avoid becoming a carbon copy of everyone around you by inventing your own style. The friends you find here are strangely different than from where you came from. They seem to care a littler more (once they’ve accepted you). Especially a certain one… too soon? My, my…
So you arrive at church for the first time in this new town. Nervous by nature, you act goofy and smile a lot in hopes to hear some kind of pathetic acceptance. There are these two younger ladies sitting in the pew next to you. So? What’s so weird about that?
They’re whispering about you. You’re not paranoid, but it’s obvious. You feel yourself getting complacent, straightening your back. It doesn’t take long before the bolder of the two speaks to you.
“I like your pants..” comes the sweet, but professional, voice from your right. “I like your shirt, too.” she concludes with an obvious run of ellipses…
Surprisingly, you sense her shyness buried under the rubble of a curious tarty exterior. There is a distant quiver to this voice. I’m telling you, now… beware of this! It’s the oldest trick in the book! But, it’s too late. Attraction grabs you both like an electromagnet. Could she be honing in on unlocking your emotions?
You form an eclectic relationship. You become boyfriend & girlfriend. But with this link comes a very unique affinity. Throughout the course of a year, breaking up and going back becomes a common practice. You hurl violent words at each other. This jealousy that goes on is evil. Very quickly, the friendship flame is doused in icy apathy.
As the monthly pages of the calender get tossed into the shredder, so do your tender hearts. You have both damaged each other irreparably. You should grow up… neither of you can yet admit this! Childish games are what it’s all based on. So, why do you bother staying together??
“What is tempting me here, God??” you repeat to yourself. Both of you agree that moving on is the best thing to do, but the sexual desire seems to be cemented in place. Neither of you will budge.
Mid-august approaching. For many months, you blindly fight to become closer in spirit. Then, one night, fate breaks down the door. The magic of conception comes forth to bestow upon her the miracle of nurturing a child within her womb. Your separate fingers are joined together in a single clasp to mock this unity. Here is a gift to remind you of the true inner love that you share. This is genuine. This is the opportunity you were praying for.
In a bizarre way, however, something is still not right. Are you acting? Just hoping this is what would fix the mess? Neither side of family tree wants this to happen. Most of them are judgemental, although most of them are also probably right. It seems they will accept it as long as you make a permanent decision to stay or to flee. There is much animosity between the families, the baby, and you both. This is not a healthy situation. You’re determined to discover what the problem is, however. Determined to fix it and move forward in peace.
Your baby boy is revealed for all to see. He is scrawny, but appears to have ten fingers and toes. You’re a proud, new father. It seems the title of “future husband” is also lying within destiny’s path. You depict that her weak smile is one of happiness. It was an incredible thing to witness the birth of a human life. Simply amazing. This is the only family for you.
Twenty one days later, and you are married (and I never received an invite?!?). A large wedding filled to the brim. Family and friends come from great distances to see their first grandchild, first child, and friend do something beautiful. Something natural for two people in love. A great accomplishment.
Vows are spoken with compassion. Rings are exchanged with trembling hands. You absorb yourselves within each others teary eyes. Her white lace head covering is lifted as you passionately embrace, then kiss as eternal husband and wife.
Time morphs from days to months. The seasons change twice. You now sit in opposite corners of a cold apartment twenty-five miles from the family. Supportive only of each other.
(“The Ring” – A plain golden band wrapped around the symbolic finger. No matter how expensive, or extensive, the symbolism still means the same: an endless circle of love.
It joins itself to make a circle – to show eternal love.
It’s circular to remind us that the relationship will last forever.
When two rings are placed together, an undying bond is made. An unbreakable chain has been formed.
Your story was not the case.)
The arguments didn’t slow. They got worse, right? Temper, temper! Seems you spark much easier than I recall. With so many dynamic, colliding feelings from outside sources, your thoughts are manipulated with ease. The problems soon became everyone else’s problems. The false barriers began to crumble. The true colors were submerging, peeling away the cheap paint from this warn out canvass. You’re both scared. You’re both acting solely on immature impulse.
Is it better to move closer to the families? It doesn’t matter. It’s what you both decide to do anyway. Soon you figure out that none of it would have mattered… this choice just sped the inevitable process up.
Is she really the one?
Is he really the one?
It’s the wrong time to start asking this question. Instead of continuing to attempt to solve this, her eyes secretly wander elsewhere. Better love is not found, only problematic scenarios of lust and deceit. But, like you’re so perfect, right?
Suddenly, everything shatters. Your cozy job falls first. Then, the woman you sealed yourself to is now packing up to move. She’s moving two states away. Yes -she takes your son. At the time, what were you thinking? Were you figuring you’d make it work with the little you had? Just a roof, a bed, some eccentric friends, and alcohol to drown this nightmare? Why didn’t you fight anymore? You become increasingly placid and indifferent… and soon give in to the discomfort of defeat.
What happened? It was so damn fast! In the blink of an instant, your picture of that perfect life are in flames in front of you.
Now, leading separate lives, the pain is about gone. And you never will forget what you had when it was there.
My letter of condolence and a few photo albums are all that remain from that battle scarred area of your life.
Loggoff©
“An Anonymous Letter”
Original: 052093
Revised: 021498
By Doug Morgan
JadedFish; the blog 